Just Like a Gameshow
by Enthusiastic Fish
Summary: Oneshot written for the NFA Impossible Choices Challenge. Tim-centered. WARNING: Major character death! I didn't think I could do it twice, but I have. Enjoy if you can!


**A/N:** Written for the Impossible Choices Challenge over on NFA. A rather depressing oneshot...even for me, which is saying something...on that note: **WARNING: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH! **When I say impossible choices, I _mean_ impossible choices. So... if you still want to read it...and I hope you do, here it is... :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own NCIS nor any of its characters...and I'm sure they are very happy about that after all I've put them through.

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**Just Like a Gameshow...**

"It's just like a gameshow, Agent McGee," the voice said, reverberating throughout the room. "You don't get anything without some measure of risk involved. You risk one thing to get something more valuable..."

Tim heard the words but his addled brain was suddenly awash in a haze of The Price is Right, Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy, Deal or No Deal and a million other gameshows. He knew why he was thinking of them. It kept his mind from focusing on the horror right in front of him. He didn't want to think about what the voice actually meant. He wanted to think about Pat Sajak asking if he would like to buy a vowel or Alex Trebek reading off a list of categories...or even one of the million different hosts of Family Feud saying "Survey says..." What he _didn't _want to think about was the two people in front of him, blocked from his touch by a glass wall, both of whose lives depended on him making a choice...

...a choice he _couldn't_ make.

"Come now, Agent McGee! I know you're awake. The monitors prove it. Your heartbeat is going much too quickly for you to be unconscious."

Tim still refused to open his eyes. Maybe he could just force the voice to kill him instead. Death was a better option, much better than having to choose between two people he loved.

"Open your eyes or they both die now!" The voice snapped, finally losing patience and sounding angry. Tim did as he was told, but exulted a little inside. The voice was definitely human. It was not a robot programmed to kill. That meant there was a measure of fallibility...even if he couldn't see it. "That's better. Now, Agent McGee. You have to choose: Door number one?" And, just like a gameshow, the cage on the left side lit up, spotlighting an unconscious and bound Abby. "Or door number two?" The other cage lit up, highlighting his sister Sarah in a similar state. "And of course, let's not forget our captive audience!" Suddenly, a set of lights came on revealing Gibbs, Ziva, Tony, and Ducky. Each one was restrained and gagged, but their eyes were open and their heads were pointed directly at Tim. They could not look away. Tim stared at them with increasing horror. This was impossible. The lights over his audience went out and they disappeared.

"Agent McGee." Now the voice became sinister, low and menacing. "You told me that you would rather die than help me. You said there was nothing I could do that would even _tempt_ you to give me the information I need. Now, you have the chance to prove the truth of your words. Someone is going to die. Your friend, your sister, or the rest of the world. Are you prepared to make the sacrifice? Are you prepared to prove that your country really _doesn't_ bow to terrorism? Because make no mistake, this _is_ terrorism. I am in the market for that very occurrence. I am not a freedom fighter. I am not a patriot. I am a terrorist. You know what I want and you know what I have. I've already made the deal with you and you know that I'll keep my word. Now, the choice is up to you...and you _will_ choose."

Tim sat frozen in place. He was not restrained, but he could not move. He could not think. What he knew was that if he gave in and told the man what he wanted to know, told him the information he had locked up in his brain at the moment, Abby and Sarah would not die...but millions of unknown people would die in their place. He could save two people at the expense of millions or he could save millions...plus one. It was no use cursing the poor dead scientist who had given him the data in the first place. He had not known to what lengths this self-proclaimed terrorist would go to get to it. He stared at the two women, first at one and then at the other...then, his eyes shifted to the dark space where he knew his team was watching.

"Perhaps if you could look in their eyes, it would help, Agent McGee." Then, there was a cessation of a hissing sound he hadn't even consciously noticed before. Before he knew it, Abby and Sarah both opened their eyes, confused at their positions. Tim watched as reality slid into place and they realized that they were in a lot of danger. They saw him sitting there watching them. Then, they saw each other. Tim, sitting motionless, seemingly impassive, saw the moment they both realized a part of what was going on.

"Good morning, ladies. One of you will die today. Your friend and brother must make the decision," the voice announced.

Abby and Sarah both looked at Tim again, their eyes wide with fear. He stared back at them, not speaking, not knowing what to do. He couldn't seem to find his voice. He just looked back and forth, back and forth. Something started to build deep inside Tim's chest. He couldn't let Abby die. He couldn't let Sarah die. ...but he couldn't let all those other people die either. His breathing started to increase. Suddenly, the paralyzing fear that had been choking him disappeared and he was out of his chair. He picked it up and threw it at the glass wall, wanting to break it. He threw it as hard as he could...nothing happened. He looked at the glass and threw himself at it. Again and again. He didn't know what he was trying to do, but he knew what he _couldn't_ do. He could not be responsible for making the decision. He couldn't. He _wouldn't_.

Abby herself looked over at Sarah, who seemed to be screaming through her gag at Tim, trying to convey some message. Abby kicked her cage, drawing Tim's attention. He fell to his knees and looked through the shatterproof glass. No tears, no words. He just looked at her. She didn't try to speak; she just looked back at him. He shook his head. Abby turned and looked at Sarah for just a moment and then looked back at Tim. He shook his head again and put his hands on the glass, fingers splayed. A tear escaped from Abby's eye as she tried to convey all the words she couldn't speak. Then, she rolled herself over and made a sign with her hands, just barely in sight.

Tim looked at her and then over at Sarah who stared back at him in terror. Then, he looked once more to where he knew the rest of his team sat in the darkness. Then, he once more looked at Abby. She nodded slightly, her eyes sparkling. He couldn't choose and yet he had to. He couldn't say the words but he spoke them anyway.

"Kill Abby." A part of him died as the three syllables dropped from his lips. The first words he had spoken since he had been shut up in the cage.

There was no acknowledgment from his captor. Instead, the hissing began again, only this time, Tim could see it was not merely a sedative. It was a poison. Abby's eyes opened wide as she began to breathe it in. She never looked away from Tim's face. Tim could not look away himself. He just watched, his hands pressed against the glass. Once, just once, her eyes flicked away. They looked at his hand as he formed the same sign she had formed. Then, her eyes went back to his and stayed on him until her body began to seize. Her eyes rolled back in her head...and then, Abby was gone. Tim stayed where he was, looking at the woman he had just given the command to kill.

Then, the hateful voice came over the system once more. "Well done, Agent McGee. I didn't think you had it in you. You sacrificed for the greater good. Just like a gameshow...we had a deal." The lights came up, the doors unlocked, the restraints withdrew from around the captive audience...and, from far in the distance, echoing through the hallways, a single gunshot. Tim didn't move. He couldn't look away. He just knelt and stared at the body that was so still. Abby had always had too much energy. She was always moving, always talking, always _living_. Now...

"McGee...Tim..."

The voice was not that of his captor. Tim knew what had happened to him. They had made a deal and he had fulfilled his end. He was dead by his own hand...but it didn't matter, not one bit...because he had sacrificed Abby to save people who would never know her, never know him, never know what had happened in this room. He had killed not only the woman he loved, but he had also killed a part of himself. Even though his heart would go on beating, there would be no meaning to it.

"Tim. Come on. We have to go."

Tim couldn't move, couldn't respond. He couldn't bear to look away, as if moving his eyes from Abby would remove all possibility that she would suddenly sit up and smile and laugh...and _live_. He couldn't move his hands from the glass. He couldn't move the fingers on his left hand from the shape they had formed, that well-known sign..._I love you_.

Smaller hands touched his face, tried to turn him away, but he resisted. He couldn't look away from Abby. He couldn't leave her dead there.

"Tim...she's dead. You can't bring her back."

Tim knew that. He did, but like so much else in life, it didn't matter. It didn't matter that he could watch Gibbs breaking open the cage and trying to perform CPR on Abby. It didn't matter that he knew the attempt would be futile. It didn't matter that Sarah was trying to speak to him, that Ziva and Tony and Ducky were trying to make him move. None of it mattered.

Tim saw Gibbs give up. He watched as he took off the restraints and the gag. He saw Gibbs stand and look at him. Tim knew how Gibbs felt about Abby. It was different from how he felt about her, but no less intense for all that. It was as though he had killed Gibbs' daughter. Tim still couldn't look away from Abby, her eyes closed. Her body...so still.

A hand closed gently around his left wrist. "Tim...she wouldn't want this."

Finally, Gibbs' words, words which he wouldn't have heard from anyone else, penetrated and Tim was able to look away. He stood and allowed himself to be directed out of the building. He barely felt Sarah's arms around his waist. He didn't hear anything anyone said. He was dead inside...because he had been forced to choose...and he had.

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_Four weeks later..._

"I'll be back," Tim said quietly and left the bullpen. Worried eyes followed him.

He had not spoken more than five words at a time since Abby's death...except at her funeral. Rather than a typical eulogy, there had been an opportunity for friends and family to relate favorite memories and feelings for her. Tim had done so, but he had never spoken her name since that day. He had been watched closely, but he had done very little. He had never cried. He wouldn't speak unless forced to. No one had been able to get in because Tim had built a wall around himself that kept everyone and everything out. He was going through the motions of living, but no one knew for sure how long it would last.

Tim walked into the darkened lab. Someone else would be working here, but right now they still had a temporary employee and a lot of the work was being directed to other facilities. Abby had done the work of ten by herself. It would take a long time to find someone who would do the same. The temp was gone. The lab was dark and empty...as empty as the space in his heart where Abby had been. This was the first time he had been able to bring himself to step in here...to be in Abby's inner sanctum without Abby. He looked around the room and walked by all the machinery. A light touch graced the mass spectrometer, like a benediction. Another touch on the keyboard that was like an extension of her. If he breathed in deeply enough, he could almost pretend that he could smell her special perfume. If he strained his ears, he could hear the echo of her raucous music.

When he closed his eyes, Tim could still see her...in a million different places, doing a million different things, sometimes...all at once. They always ended with her lying so still on the floor. He was dead inside.

_"Tim..."_

The whisper made him turn. It wasn't...it couldn't be because she was dead. He knew it, but he knew that he to look for her. ...there was no one and Tim died a little more.

_"Tim..."_

Again, he turned, this time toward her office. He walked there in a daze, looking and not looking at the same time...because he _knew_ that she wasn't there. The office was dark, empty, but he could see the aromatherapy candles she had set up for him once. He almost smiled at the memory of being handcuffed to a chair and forced to relax.

_"Tim..."_

Finally, he couldn't take it anymore and he fell to his knees with a soft moan.

"Abby..." he whispered. "Oh, Abby..." He began to rock back and forth on the floor, just saying her name over and over. "Abby...Abby..." It was a plea...for forgiveness, for a return that he knew couldn't happen. "Abby..."

Then, he heard it. No one would believe him, but he knew he heard it, just beyond the edge of hearing. He heard it. "_There's nothing to forgive_." He listened, straining to hear, _needing_ to hear more...but nothing more came through the silence.

An ache began to form around the hole in his heart. It was so painful that he wasn't sure he could bear it. The ache grew and swelled and Tim began to rock more violently, his arms around his own waist, a sadly inadequate substitute for the rib-crushing hugs Abby so excelled at. He couldn't let the ache out.

Another pair of arms moved around his shoulders, stopping his endless rocking. A soothing voice said, "Let it out, Tim. You can cry for her."

The tears came then. At first, they were silent, but as their volume increased, they were accompanied by soul-tearing sobs of grief and self-loathing.

Then, Tim began to moan again, "Abby...Abby..."

It was Gibbs, Tim realized suddenly. Gibbs was there.

"Let her go, Tim. Let her go."

"I killed her..." Tim sobbed. "Oh, Abby...I killed her..."

"No. You didn't. Someone else killed her. It would have been worse if she had been forced to watch someone else die in her place."

Tim sobbed and sobbed as the tears he had held back, the grief, the sorrow, all came gushing out in one swift stroke. Gibbs just stayed beside him.

After a while, he spoke again. "I miss her, Tim. I really do, but I don't blame you. ...and neither would Abby."

Tim remembered the words he had heard. It hadn't been Gibbs speaking. He knew that. Was it possible...? Slowly, the tears began to ebb as the paroxysm of grief ceased, leaving an exhausted calm in its wake.

"Come on, Tim. Let's go."

Tim suddenly noticed, for the first time, that Gibbs had not called him _McGee_ once since Abby had died. He was _Tim_...always. He looked up at Gibbs and couldn't move. He shook his head.

"Yes, Tim. Come on. You need to let her go." Tim still couldn't move and so Gibbs leaned over and said very softly. "Abby needs to move on. You need to let her."

Tim's eyes widened as he looked at Gibbs again and he allowed himself to be helped to his feet.

"Boss?"

"Yes?"

"I need a minute."

Gibbs nodded and almost smiled. He turned and walked out of Abby's office and then out of the lab.

Tim turned around and around. He couldn't see her, but he _knew_ he had heard her voice.

"I love you, Abby."

He waited for a response. There was nothing. He sighed and began to leave. Then...

"I love you, too, Tim..."

He stopped and turned, more tears pouring down his cheeks. "You...you can go now."

Instantly, it seemed as though all of the things that had made the lab Abby's inner sanctum were gone. Crying once more, Tim turned and walked out of the lab. He reached the elevator.

"We can go now, Boss."

"Okay."

As he stepped onto the elevator, Tim could have sworn that he felt a faint wisp of a pair of arms around him. He almost smiled.

"Good-bye, Abby."

FINIS


End file.
